“Oh my goodness, I am so sorry my house is such a mess.” 

“We have company coming over. It is important that everything is cleaned and put into order.”

“I need this, and this, and this, and this, and this, and this, before they get here.”

Have you ever found yourself in a flurry before you have family, friends, or guests over to your home? I’m guilty of this, and so many more times that I would like to admit.

If you watched me prepare for company, especially in my younger years, you would have thought it was some sort of high ranking inspector paid to find fault coming to visit rather than my own family or friends.  

If someone did just drop by I would flood my visitors with apologies about not having things in better shape. I’m sorry’s about dirty dishes on the counter, mail stacked on the table, toys or books scattered about. 

The craziest part is this was all self inflicted. What I thought and what I believed. Never have I ever had someone come to visit who complained about the state of my bathroom or what my desk looked like or which appliance I left sitting on my counter.  

My insecurities drove my anxiety, the results of which were never very pretty or fun, especially for my family in our household. All this topped with a heavy dollop of desiring to please whoever happened to be coming over. 

I can get so caught up with the details of entertaining. Is my home spotless? Is the food well prepared and abundant? Have a created the right ambiance with lights, sounds, smells? Are all of the people in my home in good order, well mannered, and presentable? 

In the flurry of all of this I can really miss the heart of hospitality.

Am I focused on the heart of my guest? Am I available with open arms and listening ears? I am sharing with them from what I have, nourishing and nurturing them? Am I welcoming them into my world authentically and vulnerably? Did I meet any of their needs? 

“Share with God’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:13 NIV

I can get caught up in doing things FOR my visitor, rather than partaking in it all WITH my company. But sharing is all about using, experiencing, and enjoying together. This verse from the book of Romans says to practice hospitality, to share. It doesn’t say become an expert entertainer.

In my misguided focus I have failed so many times. I have been through seasons where I have shut others out because I didn’t feel like I had the capacity to perform at an acceptable entertainment level if I let people in. When I said “don’t come to me, I have nothing to give you,” in pride and shame I was also shutting out the opportunity to receive and share in what others had to bring.    

To share and partake WITH someone also means everything doesn’t have to come from and through me. Everyone who is present in a home, around a table, joined together brings with them gifts, talents, experiences, resources, and more. Those who walk through my door bring a whole lot with them, even if they don’t carry something physical in their hands. Just like I bring a lot more with me when I visit others. 

I recently did a devotion on Matthew 5:16 NIV, “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.” There was one little question in the text that has collided with explosive impact in my desire to develop my skills of hospitality. 

“Did the person who was with you praise God when they left?”  

That is a powerful question, one that is worth asking. 

Under honest examination, the questions I have historically scanned through in my head after a visitor left were probably more along the lines of these: “Did I do a good job entertaining them?”, “Did I make them feel good?”, “Did they get enough to eat?”, “Did I give them what I imagined they wanted?”, “Do they still like me?”

Those questions ring with the vibrations of self focused insecurity!

In recent years I have been working to change my thoughts, change my heart, and change my actions to be more about welcoming others in, sharing WITH them, and offering from what I do have rather than what I think is wanted. 

It’s about inviting people in to the house where we live. It’s accepting others into the work in progress of our lives, dirty dishes, stacks of papers, some dust on the shelves, and maybe a few crumbs on the floor. We are called to break bread together. Let’s face it, when we break bread together there are going to be some crumbs.  

It’s about being open, available, and obedient to the Holy Spirit. To pray for and with my guests. To prepare in truth and with scripture. To seek the Lord about my upcoming visit rather than just cleaning tasks and a grocery list. Because if those I share with are going to praise God when they leave, it all needs to be led and facilitated by God, not me. 

When I follow instead of force there is not only relief for me from the pressure to perform, but it also opens me up to receive. It puts me in a much better position to praise the Lord for the opportunity to share WITH others too. 

I’ve still got quite a long way to go to hone my skills of hospitality, but I’d like to think I’m moving in much better direction now. There is a lot more peace in my heart when I am hosting, and a lot more joy when I am visiting and receiving the hospitality of those around me. Most of all, I want to help others find freedom from that pressure, anxiety, stress, and strain that is felt to be excellent entertainers so that they too can experience the heart of hospitality. 

Prayer

Beloved Lord,

Thank You so much for Your goodness and graciousness and patience. Thank You for guiding, for leading, and for revealing just what we need in Your perfect timing. Lord, Your lessons are so tailored for each of us, speaking to our past experiences, seeking to heal previous hurts, and calling us to more of Your goodness. 

Lord, help us to receive the tenderness of Your teachings with a willingness to learn, change, and grow. Help us to yield to You rather than plowing forward at our own breakneck speeds. May we see that You have our best in Your heart and Your hands. 

Lord, help us to share WITH those around us from what we have been given. Help us to practice hospitality by performing acts of sharing regularly and repeatedly. Help us to find strengthened security in You and greater freedom from the insecurities that hinder us in our thoughts and actions. 

Father God, may we receive heartily from You, from the Holy Spirit, from the way made by Jesus sacrifices, that we would be renewed, that those around us would be refreshed, and that it would lead us all to praising You.

In the holy name of Jesus, who is the heart of hospitality, amen.