To the Dear, Sweet, future version of Myself,
You are on my heart today. That’s right I am thinking about you. I have been pondering and praying about where I find us today. I’m thinking about all we have been though in life so far, and contemplating what to set out towards next.
I wish we could sit and sip a root beer float together, sharing stories about our life.
I have so many questions to ask you.
Sweet Older Me, when you look back at us what will you see? How will you feel about where we are at right now? Will there be smiles and laughs? Will the memories we are making now bring joy to us so many years down the road?
What will we regret? What is it that is happening now that is going to bring an ache to think about in the future? What challenges are we going to face that I will not see coming? Where am I lacking wisdom that would be helpful for us to have?
Is the front of our Bible still packed with notes we hold dear? How is our prayer life and our walk with Christ? How is our marriage? What are the kids up to? What fills the time during our days? How have we grown? How have we changed? What have we lost? What have we gained? Is our smile still sweet? Do we get to encourage with love, passion and enthusiasm? Did our book ever come together?
What is it that you see when you look back at me?
As I sit here today, I know there is a great responsibility upon my shoulders to get us to where you are at. I want you to know today, that I am not just thinking about the future in general terms or of fuzzy dream-like visions. I am thinking about you, about us and the details of our life.
I want to take care of us, to tend to our daily walk, so that I can show you how much I love and care for you. So often I get caught up in taking care of what is going on right now, that I forget to look ahead and think of what is beyond for us.
I’ve been looking back over the past five years. My heart just breaks because I just am overcome with sadness and grief. I am not sure the past five years amount to much of anything. I wonder if you will see these years the way that I have seen them. I feel like there are so many areas that I have fallen short over this period of our life.
Fallen short in my faith. Fallen short in my life’s mission. Fallen short as a wife. Fallen short as a mother. Fallen short as a friend. Fallen short as a volunteer. Fallen short in my work. Short, short, short, short, short.
I fear that the burden of this deficit of shortfalls I have created is going to bring long and extended suffering into our lives. For that, Sweet Older Me, I am so deeply sorry.
I hope there are many good things ahead for us, even if there is suffering. I hope that I can face it directly, with at least meager faith, persevering toward the future because I know that one day I will wake up and it will be the day that I meet you there.
Sweet Older Me, I hope you wear a lovely string of pearls around your neck. Pearls of wisdom, of beauty and of grace that were fashioned over time, made from the things that I may not yet see the splendor in.
Today, I feel so far away from you, but I want to draw nearer to you. I want to offer a prayer for us. May the Lord who watches over us both, unite what feels so distant.
Sweet, Beloved Lord,
It is so far beyond my imagination and understanding to realize that You are a God who is capable of watching over both me right now and my sweet older self. Lord, today I pray from a new perspective of praying for us. Not just for me in the moment, for me down the road in the future.
Lord, as I read Ephesians 4:1 (NIV), “to live a life worthy of the calling you have received” I realized that a part of that was about making choices today that would help me to fully become the older version of myself that You would like me to be. Lord, may I love and care for the current version of myself to give my sweet older self the best opportunity I can to continue the work that You have for us.
Please help me Lord in all of the little moments, the mundane tasks and the small choices. Lord, it is in those little things that I can build up or tear down what lies ahead for my sweet older self. Lord, help me to think about the precious importance of the long term when I chose what to do with my time, how I care for myself and for the others who are a part of my life.
Help me to consider the long-standing implications of what I hold on to and what I let go of. Help me to know that the life I hope for in years to come is being built in a series of todays.
Lord, I confess the areas that I have gone astray in. Please cover them in Your grace, mercy and forgiveness. Please set us on Your path for us. Keep us on Your path for us. Even if the gate is narrow and the way is difficult, help us to persevere not because we are focused on us but because we are focused on You and the abundant life that You offer.
Guide us Holy Spirit in faith and in obedience. May I follow the road signs of Your scripture and truths so that one day I will meet with Sweet Older Me, and in her may I see true beauty that comes from a depth of soul that can only be attained by living many years well.
In the eternal name of Jesus, the One who walks by all versions of me then, now and in future, amen.