Have you ever had a day or a period of time in your life where you just felt ucky, mucky, yucky?
I have just spent the better portion of this week feeling this way, and trying to fight every bit of it. There are times when I become Princess Pity, throwing tremendous pity parties where I ride my princess pity pony through pity puddle pools. This however was not one of those times. This was different.
I have been very intentional about taking these feelings to God. I did my best to pour out and to focus on others. I did chores around my house that have been forever on my to do list. On Tuesday I pulled everything out of my kitchen and dining room, got down on my hands and knees and scrubbed the grout on my floor with a scrub brush. I spent over an hour in a bubble bath trying to allow myself to relax. I wrote in my journal. I read with my children. I played games. I laughed. I took a very long nap thinking I maybe just needed to catch up on some sleep. But, it was all so temporary. Because after it all I still felt yucky.
It was like storm clouds had just rolled into my heart; the thick kind that seem to block the light. Like it says in the first part of Psalm 42:5 (NIV) and again in Psalm 43:5 (NIV), “Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me?”
My answer. I really have no idea. I have no response that can declare why I was feeling so icky.
It has been reassuring to me to read the words of the Psalmist and to know that I am not alone in this.
I do love the response in second part of the verses of these Psalms, “Put your hope in God for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God.”
God will help us to praise Him, even when we feel so miserable. That is pretty amazing.
In the midst of all of this on Wednesday, September 18th, 2013 at 8:51am I wrote this after my listening prayer time. This message which God spoke into my heart. I just felt so compelled to share this today on the chance that someone out there is having a ucky, mucky, yucky time too. My heart goes out to YOU my dear, for I can greatly relate. I will be praying that God would respond to you in a way that is so breathtakingly beautiful.
My Precious Girl,
I feel the weight of every anxious thought or action. Come to me. Don’t drift or disconnect. Come to me to walk at My pace, My speed and in My desires for you.
I will work out the details. I have already been working. Have no fear. I am with thee.
You are My Precious Girl. I will give strength, energy and hope. There will be struggles. I will be there through them. I will see that joy is abundant and multiplied.
You are a precious gift and an absolute delight to Me. There is no need to respond, for the Spirit responds with unsearchable wisdom and truth.
I LOVE YOU! Let my love fill You.