A letter to my weary self

To my Beautiful Self,

I know that today you are not feeling very beautiful.  I can feel the weight pushing down upon your shoulders and the pressure that it is placed upon your heart.  When you look in the mirror you see the exhaustion hanging on your face, driving your smile into hiding, so you do your best to force that facade back into place.

Many days you feel like you’ve almost got it together, at least enough to give the appearance that you are with it.  Today is not one of those days.  Today, I know that you feel anything but together.  It feels as if chaos has been unleashed upon your life.  It feels as if you frantically scurry from one thing to another without end.  There doesn’t seem to be any closure.  Your to-do list is multiplying at an epidemic rate.

I know what is running through your mind, those times that you are so disappointed in yourself.  They seem to be on re-run today.  Especially the mistakes that were made with the people in your life, failures that hurt others.  You try so hard to show people how important their relationships are to you and it grieves you to tears when you blunder badly.  These episodes replay so vividly in your mind that it gives the impression that you completely lack social skills.

Today you feel like you are behind.  You are behind on your deadlines.  You are behind on your schedule.  You are not on target for any of your goals.  This is especially true of the goals that you set for yourself; the ones only known to you.  You are the greatest critic you have for missing these monumental expectations.

This may even be one of those days where you feel like quitting and you want to just give up.  Doubts arise in your mind.  Why did you even say yes?  Why did you think you could do it?  Who are you to think that you could do these things?

My dear self, please just stop.  Take a deep breath.  Breath in.  Now let it all out.

That is not you.  It’s not who you really are.

I am writing you today to help you “renew your mind” (Romans 12:2).

Sometimes we need to hear it directly, to be astutely told.

You are a precious gift!  You are a treasure beyond rubies and gold and diamonds (Proverbs 31:10).

“God is at work within you” Philippians 2:13

God is at work.  He is.  That means He has already started.  There is progress that has been made, progress that is just arriving and progress yet to come in the future.  You are a priority work in progress.  You are not a task that God started and set on a self or in a box to be covered with dust from lack of attention.  He is active and alive moving in you with all His goodness.

Spend time with God.  He doesn’t require you to be perfect to come to Him.  He does not have a row of hurdles you have to jump over to come to His presence.  In fact, if you call to God right now He will turn to you because He always hears you.

You are such a darling treasure.  Your heart is blossoming into a bouquet that is fragrantly breathtaking.  You just may not see it yet because it’s not finished.  It can take time for seeds to sprout and mature.  It takes painstaking effort to prune and protect them from the hostile take over of invasive weeds.

I’m writing this letter to you today as my sacrifice of love for you.  What I can’t say with my words, I will say with my prayer for you.

Dearest and Beloved Lord,

I am praying for my struggling self today.  Lord, I know that I will cringe to be so self focused in my prayers.  Who I am I to deserve so much? 

Oh, how I need it Lord.  I need to tell You exactly where I am at.  The good, the bad and the downright ugly that is running through me right now. 

Please turn Your ear to me.  Hear my prayers for me.  Help me to know You better.  Help me to experience a greater depth, breadth and width of Your love.

Lord, right now I am holding to the two below promises that the Bible has given to us. 

“May you be given more and more of God’s kindness, peace and love.” Jude 1:2

“Thank You, LORD!  How good You are!  Your love for us continues on forever” Psalm 106:1

Please help me to see these promises fulfilled.  May the eyes of my heart be opened wide to all You have in store along my journey. 

This is no surprise to You, LORD.  You saw this day coming.  You know what lies ahead.  Help me to find a deeper intimacy with You.  Help our relationship to be developed by a strengthen trust by me for You. 

Let love be the primary focus, LORD.  Your love for me, my love for You, Your love flowing through me to others.  

In Jesus’ Holy Name, amen. 

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4 comments

  1. I think you were reading my mind/heart this week. This post really speaks to me. Love you!

    1. Love you too! It is just amazing that God can just work through things for the good of those who love Him.

  2. Jana Kooima · · Reply

    You are beautiful! Your sincere and honest words touch deeply all who share your feelings — and we all do at one time or another 🙂 I’m praying for you too! Love you, Julie.

    1. Love you too, Jana! You are such a beautiful treasure and awesome joy in my life!

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