Why Me God?

No, this is not a post about something bad that is happening in my life.  I am not questioning why God is allowing something painful to occur.  It is quite the opposite.  This morning I am sitting here wondering why God has chosen to bless me so greatly.

There are so many blessings in my life right now that I am literally writing through the tears streaming down my cheeks.

I can not believe that God would choose to bless me.  This is me we are talking about.  Insignificant and so highly flawed, Julie.  That is me.  I am overly critical.  I am judgmental.  I am horribly, horribly selfish.  I say dumb things.  I say and think very hurtful things.  I covet other peoples stuff.  Even more so, I am jealous and covetous of their talents.  I forget important dates and events.  I let people down all the time.  I do not get phone calls returned in a timely manner.  I lose emails.  I do not live up to the goals that I set for myself.  I continue to trudge through the mire of sin, thinking it would be a good idea to get out and clean up, yet I continue to wallow.

What has God given me in return for all of this?

He has given me blessing, upon blessing, after blessing.

God has given me a husband who treats me like a queen.  Eric is so kind and gentle.  He swoons over me still.  Eric sets time aside to listen to my 100,000 word ramblings about the little things that I did in my day.  He enables me to serve in incredible ways.  He lets me spend many dollars on cards, gifts and postage.  He allows me to dedicate my time to my family and to pour myself out in my community.

Then there are my children.  My son Andrew is so wise and respectful, at 13 years old.  He is helpful around the house and around the farm.  He is just fun to spend time with.  We have so many laughs and thought provoking conversations.  He is quick to watch his younger sister and has such a loyal heart for those closest to him.  My daughter Zoey is so encouraging in her words and actions.  She treasures gifts that she gives and receives.  Her stories will make you think but they will also make you smile down deep into your soul.

God has given me so many treasured and beautiful friends.  They have walked beside me in good times, bad times, and even my ugliest of times.  They bring me hope.  The teach me about how to really love God and they inspire me by the way they love others like Jesus does.  They are so patient with me when I am slow to respond.  They seem to show up or call at the most perfect times.

Then there is the work that God gave me to do.  This incredible calling to encourage with love, passion and enthusiasm.   It says in Luke 6:38, “Give, and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”  I do not understand how this works at all.  What I do know is that I am blessed so much more abundantly than I give.  Truly, what I receive from God is poured forth by a completely different measurement than what I pour out with.

God’s blessing is incredible and awe-inspiring!

Not to mention all of the details that He works out.  Really,  I’m not kidding.  I have been challenging myself to be still and wait for God’s answers to my problems.  It is amazing.  I am trying really hard to not run around frantic over the little things.  When I say this is hard for me, believe me it is REALLY HARD.  There’s a lot going on.  It feels like it is piling up.  But I am not drowning and by God’s hand it is not overwhelming me.  That in and of itself is amazing!  I tend to be a bit of a drama queen and can act as though I am drowning when I am standing in two inches of water.

But something happened yesterday that just brought me to my knees with this question.  Last night was a Youth worship service at my church.  We just launched it.  Literally, this is the third week.  It is targeted for Middle School and High School students.  We had 17 of them present.  Plus three younger kids and four adults.  There was such a strong, tangible feeling of God’s presence.  What is truly awesome is our town has a population of about 350.  I am humbled most, by the messages that are given.  It may sound really strange because that is my responsibility, to deliver the message.  They are not my words, they are God’s words.  They are phenomenal.

It just so happened that a dedicated and generous hearted group of ladies were also at the church to do a deep fall cleaning at the same time.  One of them not only came to work but delivered a gift as well.  Ever so quietly she placed it in my vehicle.  It was right before bed that I finally had a chance to sit down and open it up.  I couldn’t get through the reading of the card before the tears started to flow.  It was so lovely.  What she wrote inside, it refreshed my soul and uplifted my spirit.  Then I opened the gift.

The gift touches the very core of my life’s mission.  It is a package of Blessings Unlimited cards wrapped in a golden bow.  What a perfect present.  I have been blessed with the gift of cards, fuel to continue moving forward with my life’s work.

Thank you, Linda.  Thank you so very much!  My words are so meager, but know that my gratitude spills over.  You are a beautiful treasure and a precious gift in my life.  I thank God and praise Him for you.

All this wonderful goodness brings me to a place where I simply have to say, why God?  Why God, would you choose me to be the recipient of Your goodness and blessing?

Beloved and Treasured Lord,

Thank You so much for loving me!  I praise You, Lord, I praise you with all that I have this morning.  Thank You for all the blessings.

Lord, I pray for everyone who reads my silly little words.  I ask that You would bless them.  Bless their lives and their families in such a way that it would bring them to their knees in awe of what You are doing.  I pray that we would all surrender ever so sweetly to You and allow You to take the lead.  May we see that You are a God who does big things and who also does incredible miracles through the smallest of details. 

In Jesus’ Holy name, amen.


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